His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
