The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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