just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize