then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
