just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
