If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
