babies were throwing up all over the place
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
