I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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