Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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