your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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