my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
