tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
