so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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