This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
