I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
