pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
