1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's rum buckets o'clock
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
