Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
