Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
