It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Moan for me like Helen Keller
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
