The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
