Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
