Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize