Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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