girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
