I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
