Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
