Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
