Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
