i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
