So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
