i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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