Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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