The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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