You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My pussy is not your playground.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
