I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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