Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
