So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want nice things and good sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.