ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen