He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to