Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize