Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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