Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
