Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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