Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
