So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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