I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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