he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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