Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
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But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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