Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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