I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
