You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
