I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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