I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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