dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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