I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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