I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
