yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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