i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
