I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
