Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
