Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
