I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
