dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
