And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
