I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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