Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
