Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
