i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
