I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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