The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
