Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
